EX-PATS UNDER THREAT IN SERIAL CRIME RAMPAGE

WITH SINCERE APOLOGIES TO ANY BRITISH (OR OTHER) RESIDENTS OF GALLE WHO WERE THE SUBJECT OF ATTACKS FOR THE FRIVOLOUS NATURE OF THIS POST!

Went to the funniest meeting last week - British residents called together by the High Commission to talk to the local police about "armed" robberies in the vicinity (guns probably toys but you can't be too careful). Having secured the office, mobile and home telephone numbers of most of the senior police officers in a hundred mile radius, the ex-pats happily spent the rest of the evening quizzing the police in detail as to just how far they could go in self-defence before they fell foul of the law (it's all about proportional force, apparently; and you could find yourself in trouble if you shoot someone who is threatening you with a water pistol....).
The Chief of Police responded by suggesting that most ex-pats were so sozzled by the time they went to bed they wouldn't hear an armed robber if he was swinging from their mosquito nets. And anyway we are all so well-off why don't we have 24 hour security guards? What fun, much better than my local neighbourhood watch gathering in Bristol. Hic, pass me the gin bottle and by the way where's my Kalshnikov....